A Diagnosis Isn’t Just a Label

Introduction

Hello, my name is Butler. I have carried with me the burden of anxiety and depression for five years now. More recently, I was diagnosed with autism. My first blog is going to be focused on sharing the general advice that worked for me. After many trials and experiences, I have collected some of the pieces of advice that worked best for me. 

My biggest piece of advice is to listen to other’s stories. Try to learn from people in any way that you can. I decided to keep this blog short while I prepare the next one. I will compare what I learned now to an essay I wrote the year I was diagnosed with autism, which is about two years ago to the month. 

Me and my ASD

"I wake up at the time bats fly back to their roosts. The alarm trills and I check the weather. I stare into the closet for a minute and choose my clothes: soft, lightweight, no tight collars; pants or skirts with smooth lining and cotton-polyester mix. No more, no less. I check emails, then wash my face: wash, rinse, sunscreen. Breakfast is next, socks then shoes. My morning is complete: this is my routine. The order never changes. If the order changes, my day is an instant failure. I simply cannot function without my order. 

Routine change is the dragon slayed by a knight. Realistically, life hates order. This is fine because I learn to adapt. I adapt slowly, strategically, exponentially. My psychiatrist walked in with a sincere yet professional glare in her eyes. Slumped down, she let out a quiet sigh. "Based on Caelyn's results..." I leaned back against the couch awaiting any unharmonious conclusion. In preparation I attempted to smile. "...Caelyn has been diagnosed with Asperger's - high functioning autism." I leaped into a forward depression. Tell me something I don't know. Splintering out a sheepish smile, my emotions were unclear: Should I leap for joy or, metaphorically, out the window? My mother uttered a sigh of relief, in the same moment my father diverted his attention to the window. Was he thinking the same thing?…” 

This excerpt is just the start of the essay I wrote to explain my journey. In my next few blogs, I will reflect on my writing and share how my life has changed since I let go of my limiting beliefs. While being diagnosed with ASD was a major part of my identity since then, I have now learned that I don’t need to run my life by labels. I used to believe that since I had ASD, I must be afraid of crowds, that I must dislike loud noises, that I must avoid these things or I will be anxious. At a time, these were true. My therapist convinced me that because I had ASD, there was no way around it. 

I have since learned that I am not afraid of crowds, that loud noises can bother me, but they won’t send me into anxiety, and that I am able to withstand burnout and communicate properly. I was not taught coping methods. I was taught labels. I hope my journey can inspire others as I continue my blog. Thank you for sharing your time to read this. 

Have a blessed week, 

Butler