Balancing Acts: Navigating the Dance of Conflict and Peacemaking

Conflict is something we all would preferably avoid, but it also happens to be something we all face at some point in our lives. Conflict is the perceived incompatibility of actions or goals; it may arise in relationships—such as familial, friendly, or romantic—and conflict may be inner as well. Social personal dilemmas can be difficult to navigate during our most crucial or impressionable years, and being faced with these staggering situations can cause heaps of stress that adds to what an individual is already feeling in their college life.

 Major conflicts we all go through are obstacles in our social groups. Disagreements with

friends will arise, and most conflicts are not only due to opposing goals but also misinterpretations of intentions. If you are having problems with your friends or an individual friend, it may be helpful to look at some reasons as to why these misperceptions may arise. Misunderstandings among parties fuel opposition. For instance, when someone feels the need to self-justify, they might say "I didn't do anything to you" or "What I said wasn't that bad" to defend their actions. 

Next to that, an individual might accept their good virtuous deeds during conflicts while

rejecting the possibility that they could have done something wrong to hurt the other party. This is called the self-serving bias. The fundamental attribution error is also common in conflicts, it is defined as the tendency for observers to underestimate situational influences and overestimate dispositional influences upon others’ behavior. This can go both ways; one can assume traits from the opposing parties to match their preconceptions or assume traits of themselves that match their own self-perceptions and self-concept. If you are in a conflict, then you, your opposing party, or both of you are likely to engage in this behavior without realizing it.

Once an understanding of a conflict’s foundation is fully realized, the next step is

peacemaking. Peacemaking or just peace, is a low hostility level that is likely a result of

contact, cooperation, communication, and conciliation. Something that needs to be understood is

that conflict can arise from fears about oneself and to dissolve conflict, those fears need to be

addressed as well. “Effective use of positive incentives require more than offering the other party

whatever rewards, promises, or confidence-building measures that seem to be most readily

available. It requires actions that address the fundamental needs and fears of the other party,”

which was written by Herbet C. Kelman, a psychologist known for his work on conflict

resolution in the Middle East (2008). Negotiation can help in showing your intentions to fix

things, this is a key component of communication and compromise. Negotiating with the other

party, or your friends, is a collaborative decision-making process that communicates what you

may view  differently. Johann M. Mayer, a psychologist at the Department of Social, Organizational, and Political Psychology wrote here, “Negotiation is a pervasive communication process that is most-widely used to plan for the future, allocate resources, resolve conflicts of interests, and solve complex problems via mutually satisfying agreements,” (et al., 2021). If you and your friend are perhaps in an argument about their hurtful teasing, then negotiate what both of you can do to satisfy each other’s needs and discuss your fears as to why you are uncomfortable with their jokes.

Resolution is a huge part of peacemaking, and so is rebuilding relationships. It is one

thing to negotiate and communicate a solution to the immediate problem, but it may also be

helpful to learn how to have these discussions. Written by Sandra Ciminelli, a counselor from the

Australian Institute of Family Counselling, “Effective communication requires; respect, grace,

empathy, active listening for adding value to the person being heard,” (2018). It would be useful

to find the appropriate timing to sit down with your friend and have a discussion and to use

active listening. A few helpful ways to do this are engaging in eye contact, sitting near the

person, not interrupting or fidgeting, and over all respecting the other person. This makes the opposing individual feel valuable. This will be an equal time for sharing, so no walking out and no interjecting unless it is to clarify.When you make your point, honestly tell your feelings while also being mindful of keeping the peace. Another thing to look out for is withdrawal in silence, do not succumb to an awkward silence solely because you do not like what the other person has to say. Do not use absolutes like “you never” or “you always”.

In the end, conflict is a normal aspect of all relationships. However, if not handled adequately, it can make or break friendships. Understanding why the conflict erupted, negotiating, and practicing communication are great steps to ultimately making peace.

Works Cited

Ciminelli, Sandra. (2018). Effective Communication for Conflict Resolution. Australian Institute

of Family Counselling. Retrieved from: https://www.aifc.com.au/effective-

communication-for-conflict-

resolution/#:~:text=Communication%20skills%20can%20be%20used,to%20the%20pers

on%20being%20heard

Myers, David G. and Twenge, Jean M. (2022). Social Psychology: Fourteenth Edition. McGraw

Hill.

Kelman, Herbert C. (2008). A Social-psychological Approach to Conflict Analysis and

Resolution. Harvard. Retrieved from:

https://scholar.harvard.edu/files/hckelman/files/A%20social-

psych%20approach%20to%20conflict%20analysis_2008.pdf

Majer, Johann M., et al. (2021). Resolving Conflicts Between Peoples and Over time in the

Transformation Toward Sustainability: A Framework of Interdependent Conflicts.

Frontiers in Psychology. Retrieved from:

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8081902/