Why does a Woman* stay with the Man who abuses her?

 

Love: The victim may still love the batterer and believes that if the circumstances were different (more money, less stress, less drinking/drugs, etc) things would be different.  The batterer may be charming, loving, contrite and apologetic when he is not abusing her.

Money: The victim does not have the financial resources to support herself and/or her children.  A woman may not be able to maintain her current lifestyle for her children and does not want to deprive her children. A batterer may deny a woman access to checking, credit cards, savings, financial documents or other important assets.

Employment:  a woman may not have been allowed to work during the relationship and feels she is unqualified for any job; a woman who is working may fear she will lose her job because of harassment or violence at work from her intimate partner.

Children: The woman may fear she will lose custody of her children or that her children will be abducted by the father.  She may believe that any father is better than no father, or she may be influenced by the father’s manipulation of the children.  She may not want to remove children from a familiar environment or an outstanding school.

Beliefs: She (or her family) may hold certain religious or cultural beliefs, which provide no relief for an abuse situation and demand that a family remain whole.  She may believe that the justice system is biased against people of her race, culture or religion. 

Substance Abuse: A woman may believe that if officials find out about either her substance abuse problem or her batterer’ problem, it may cause the children to be removed from the home.

Isolation: Victims are often cut off from family and friends and literally have no place to go.  A victim may have no transportation, no access to affordable housing, and no knowledge of local shelters or community resources.

Negative experiences:  A woman may not have had success in filing an injunction or any other positive assistance from the court system. She may believe that her social status will work against her when interacting with the court system.

Police: The victim may be displeased by the response of law enforcement, which can be to remove the offender, downplay the violence and danger, cause an escalation of the violence or simply fail to provide protection.

Safer to stay:  Most abuse victims are woman but victims can be males being abused by their spouses, or elderly person of either gender being abused by their children.